last day

I cannot believe how the last 6 months has flown by in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is our final video shoot for SSHE- stay tuned for the final weigh-in, all the stats and pics!

#wedidit 

#Ididit

 

32 pbf = bfd

Well kids, we are in the last week of SSHE meals for Steve and I.

My second to last weigh-in yesterday showed that I am 1.3 % away from being in a healthy, happy, normal body fat range.  Do you hear that universe? I am 1.3% away from being NORMAL.   That's right. Now let's keep in mind that normal is that less than a third of me is made up of fat.  That's kind of depressing.  But hey, I've been nearly half fat for quite some time, so I'll take 1/3 any day.  Judge away haters, but for a breastfeeding mom, that's not bad.

We are celebrating the end of this adventure with the final video shoot happening next Tuesday.  We are being pampered with hair & makeup stylists and new clothing (THANKS SSHE!) and I personally am getting my nails done. Prepare yourselves for another slew of Angela & Steve in your facebook feed.

I am also so thrilled to report that I have talked with more than 10 people who are considering or already trying SSHE.  Please know that I am a resource to YOU - I am more than happy to answer questions, talk about my experiences, and encourage you on your own journey.

Carry On.  Be brave.

home stretch

Tomorrow begins our last week eating Seattle Sutton Healthy Eating meals!!! Can I believe 6 months has flown by!? No I cannot. Seriously - wow. 

So what have I learned? Here's just a few of the things. 

I have will power. 

I can make good choices. 

I am worthy of self-care. 

Emotional eating is deadly. I must really listen to myself instead of trying to numb with food. 

Loved ones have a strong influence - i.e. Steve and I can be a force for good or evil for each other. Let's choose the good, eh Gritton?

My love of sweets has deteriorated - proof that those tastebuds can in fact be taught!

Food is fuel not a numbing agent, punishment or reward. 

I am stronger than I think. 

Now to lose 1.5% body fat in 8 days...

😏

more love

My heart is sad in the wake of the election this week.  I am fearful and angry but frankly, still in denial.  I keep waiting for Ashton to jump out and say Hey, USA, YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!
But alas, the further we get from last Tuesday the more it is sinking in that this reality show just took a turn for the worse.

I am continuing to swim in juxtapositions - city vs country, educated vs non-educated (and by this I mean college educated, not farm field educated), white heterosexual men vs...um, everyone else?!? I am trying not to make assumptions and trying to remember to error on the side of grace.  I am trying to be brave and kind.  I am trying to take this opportunity to experience just a tiny fraction of what so many of my fellow Americans have always felt - afraid, sad, angry, forgotten, mislead.

O Come O Come Emmanuel.


As the queen of the flying pigs, I am trying hard to respond in a healthy way.  I have to say that I resisted my desire to eat every single feeling that I have had this week.  My new eating and 'self-care without the need of food' habits have strengthened over these many months.  A stray cookie may have make it into my mouth, as did several transgressions at a 2 year old's birthday party, but overall my food stuff stayed in an okay spot.  My body fat continues to hold steady or drop.  I have a milestone in mind as the finish line on this 6 month race starts to come into focus...

Peace to you as we each strive to bring more love and light into this dark world.

Andy & his Thankfulness turkey

a helping hand

Here I am: a new month on the calendar and a new opportunity to try my absolute best.
 
As I look out my window this very minute, I am lucky enough to be able to see my daughter, playing with her best friend Alli.  Alli is hesitant to balance on the 'curb' that surrounds the playground, but Abby is right there by her side, extending her hand.  With the help of her friend, Alli made it all the way around! Both girls clapped, jumping and smiling: both victorious, both ready for the next challenge.

This is what we can do for each other my friends.  We don't have to know all the answers or know how to make it perfect.  But we can stand by someone's side and hold a hand.  We can encourage and uplift each other.  We can love each other even when we're scared.  We can jump and cheer together through good and bad.

Thanks Abs.  You rock. ;)

Me Too

There has been radio silence from me for too many days and for that I give an 'I'm sorry' to all my dedicated as well as you 'just curious enough to click' readers.

The last month has been the toughest yet on our healthy eating adventure.  No longer seeing the huge or profound changes, the daily grind becomes the steepest challenge yet.  I continue to try to choose what I know I should while slowly *S L O W L Y* realizing that it is indeed what I WANT to choose. It is sometimes a battle.

My clothes fit; I feel stronger; I feel overall more like myself.  These are just a few of the reasons that I MUST endure - I must keep fighting the good fight.  But it is such a slippery slope and remarkably easy to fall back into bad habits.

      Just this once - this is a special thing - well, since we're here -

all of these damn excuses mask themselves as reasons why...


Well today I am taking a stand against the excuses.  No more excuses.
It is not how we start, it is how we finish, right? (shout out to Coach T.)

I WILL FINISH THIS THING I STARTED AND I WILL FINISH IT STRONG.

Here are a couple of my theme songs.  Feel free to dance along.

The Greatest - Sia
"I've got stamina"

Me Too - Meghan Trainor
"who's that sexy thing standin' in the mirror - that's me!"

crazy pants

My crazy pants fit again.
yep, the one size fits all pants sure did NOT fit me over the last couple years.
Alas - they fit again!

 

perspective

So I weighed myself this week as usual and...saw the number creep UP.  Just by a pound or so...but still...and I was all doom and gloom, kicking myself and demanding my nose to get back to that grindstone.

It took like-minded, helpful people to point out that my body fat had decreased by 1.5%.  This number - while not huge - is super significant.  My body is becoming stronger, fitter, more able to conquer the challenged I put in front of it, and less squishy.  Yet, with my scale-focused glasses on, I didn't notice it.

My nose IS back on that grindstone, but I am trying to remember how important our perspective can be in any situation.  If you're feeling the pinch, maybe it is time to shift and see what you can see from a new angle.

 

real life

Real life gets in the way of being healthy UNTIL you decide that being healthy IS your real life.
Then it's just life.  And the stress goes away and you simply have the opportunity to make choices every day.  It isn't being naughty or cheating and there is no perfect or 100%.  It is just life in all it's craziness.  And sometimes life requires us to MacGyver the situation.  What can I possibly eat here that isn't complete crap? You have greek yogurt? okay.  How about some fruit? okay.  How can I try to be moving instead of sitting? How can we get the most out of this time together? How can we turn this into something that IS NOT about food?
All this hard choice work requires an attitude of "I can do it" "I got this" "I am enough" - - let's start saying those things to ourselves.  Hey, we can start today!

don't give up

I am entering a new phase and I've named it: DON'T GIVE UP.  We are 8 weeks away from the finish line of our SSHE Project Real.  I feel like I'm at mile 10 of the one half-marathon I did before I started growing people.  That's that brutiful part of the run when you can either start to quit or you can start to really catch your stride.

So many things have changed in the last 4 months:

• what I eat
• what I drink (no soda, no sugar, no fake sugar)
• what I feel like in my clothes
• what clothes I can wear
• my energy level
• my attitude about being healthy as a lifestyle - a permanent one
• oh yeah, that number of the scale too

What hasn't changed:

• I am still an emotional eater (wait, I think everyone is or can be)
• I still hear that dark voice whispering things I'd like to ignore; those doubts, those assumptions of negative energy - - they still creep in. 
• I still think frosting sounds delicious

I am not giving up.  So here we go team, coming around that turn.  I say MORE COWBELL.

abby's mom

Overheard today from the mouth of a 4 year old:  "Oh, that's Abby's mom. She's nice." Made my day. That precious, tiny, fierce, redheaded, stubborn, strong, joyous, wild-haired girl is totally my kiddo. She is my posse. I try to tell her each day that of all the little girls in the whole world, I would pick her to be my little girl.

How are we identified in this world? By the people we surround ourselves with.  I am reminded over and over the importance of seeking out those people that love and respect us, that challenge us to be our best selves, and that bring out our true selves instead of our 'representative.'  Be it our family or the family we choose or the experts we call upon, it matters who is by our side.

I am incredibly blessed by SO MANY people of integrity - people that I would CHOOSE to be with even if I didn't have to be.  Thank you for supporting and loving me, for pushing me beyond my comfort zone, and for putting a huge smile on my face.

change the story

This morning Abby got mad at Andy because he called her Elsa doll fat.

This morning I said "Don't worry, thunder is only God bowling.  She's a very good bowler."
The response: "Mom, God is a BOY."

This morning I wore black stretchy pants instead of jeans because somehow my story is still that God does not look like me and that I am fat.  I learned it when I was 3.  Or 5.  God is a boy and fat is BAD.

How can I change this story for my children?!?!!?!

One day at a time, filled with questions and laughter and more questions.  One more conversation, one more listening ear, one more patient hug.

One more, one more.  One more.

TLC for TCL

Okay kids. Tomorrow Steve and I are going on Twin Cities Live to talk about this crazy journey with Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating. OMG. Send us your positive vibes about 3-4pm central standard time please. Multiple takes in my living room is one thing - but LIVE...that is another. Live like don't swear or show cleavage or trip and fall or have broccoli in your teeth. Live like...oh crap, now I'm sweating. 😵

http://twincitieslive.com/

what a difference 10 years makes

Ten years ago on my birthday I sat alone on my little IKEA 'As-Is room' couch.   I had a lamp on and a book to read and it was starting to get dark out.  I had my strange little flip cell phone nearby on which I texted by pressing the number 1 four times to get a letter C...My high school bestie called me up to wish me a happy birthday and asked what I was up to...pretty sure I started crying.  What is it Ang?

Well at that time, ALL of my friends were married and starting to have babies.  I had recently relocated across the country and was just starting to settle into my job.  I had bought a condo all by myself and was living in it all by myself and pretty much was...all.   by.   myself.

Now if you know me, you know that after I'm alone for a certain amount of time (say, 19 minutes give or take) I start to twitch.  I can't handle it.  I often can't drive anywhere without calling someone.  I need to have music on everywhere.  I am truly an extrovert, sucking and stealing my energy from any unsuspecting passerby.  So being alone on that Sunday night? Not all that cool with me.

So what did I want? I wanted exactly what I have now, 10 years and so many hills and valleys later: a loving spouse, two amazing children, supportive friends, a house and a dog.  A body that I feel comfortable in and respect.  A hope for all that is to come.

I have not arrived - I am continuing to BECOME all that I was made to be.  And I'm working on that being okay with being alone once in awhile thing...

Here's to being a work in progress and the next 10 years...

#progress

We had our second video shoot last Friday.  It was nice to know what to expect: cameras & lights, sound guy & vampire clips, food all over my table all day, makeup on Steve, and lots of questions to ponder.

This time around things were so much easier because we knew what was coming - isn't that always the case?  The food on the table was all Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating food - all meals that I knew and recognized and honestly, many that I love.  Clearly I have some strange, inappropriate relationship with food to feel actual feelings about what I consume.  I have come to recognize the food as contributing to my well-being - it fuels me and keeps me running day and night.  I feel like a hunter paying respect to her prey by thanking the animal for its life and vitality.  I thank you, black beans, for filling me up.  I thank you, garden veggie patty, for being delicious and nutritious. I thank you, yummy pear, that you are sweet yet not addictive like candy.

This shoot really was an eye-opener for Steve and I to SEE the progress we have made.  (stay tuned for better pics than this - but check it out, seriously.)  It has re-energized us in many ways to saddle up and head into the back half of this journey with guns blazing.  Even so, I'm off to a bit of a slow start this week.  As I sip my coffee, I know the hard, cold truth is that this journey is hardly yet begun.  All this healthy eating is not just for 3 more months, it is for the rest of my life.  I know how hard it has been and will continue to be.  Every day that I conquer is one more in the books toward making health a habit, a ritual, a way of life.  That is what it HAS to be in order to keep this up.  Otherwise, I still can see the chute to take me back to the ground floor.  I'm climbing one rung at a time...you too? Sweet. Here - take my hand...Let's help each other up.

true story

This. 

 

#WonderWoman

The hardest part of anything new is the follow through.  I'm good for a week, two weeks, heck, even three MONTHS.  But then the rubber hits the road.  Then you actually have to WORK, you have to push, and pull and get comfortable with getting uncomfortable. (oh yeah, I stole that phrase from Troy.)

I'm at that point where I have thrown down all my excuses and can only look in the mirror.  I am not a princess in need of rescuing - I am my own damn Wonder Woman.  What is it that I want? What am I working toward? What is really important to me and what can we just simply flush? Selective and intentional abandonment: let's clean house here (literally let's clean House here.)  Wrap that lasso of truth around me and let's figure it out.

Tomorrow marks our halfway point on this journey and a film crew will again enter our home for interviews filled with deep questions that I don't want to think about until the last possible second.  I want my intuition to answer.  "What have I learned so far?"  "Where do I hope to be?"

Most of the time my answers aren't beautiful or poetic.
I'm just keeping my chin up, moving forward one day at a time, and taking it all in.
That's pretty Wonderful if you ask me.

#IcanIwillIAM

Below is an excerpt from an email I received today from my trainer, friend, & overall kick-ass person Troy Eichers. This is regarding a 60 day challenge contest that I am currently in.

I would like to share with you a few things that previous successful contestants found within their journey that lead to success.

1.  They replaced poor decisions with good decisions.

2.  Water was consumed frequently from morning to night.

3.  All food and exercise/activity was tracked and logged daily to view tendencies and areas that could be improved.

4.  They choose activities that were of interest and fit their personalities.

5.  When setbacks took place, they kept going forward and acknowledged what was not working.

6.  Fitness Professionals were leaned upon for education, programming, assessment, inspiration and accountability.

7.  They had support systems in place....work, home, in club and friends too!

I am replacing the 'they' with me.

1. I am replacing poor decisions with good ones. 

2. I am drinking tons of water from morning to night.

3. I am logging all food and activity in MyFitnessPal - just got a congrats message from them on logging in everyday for - wait for it - 800 DAYS. seriously.

4. I choose activities that interest me and my sparkly personality: aka tough strength training AND fun dancing. 

5. When setbacks take place (cupcakes, granola, chocolate & coconut covered almonds) I keep going forward yet acknowledge that I shall henceforth never allow them to jump into my cart at Trader Joe's. 

6. I lean on my experts: Seattle Sutton Healthy eating for my meal planning, Troy my personal trainer for education, programming, inspiration, accountability and more, Brandi for tough love on my food logs.

7. I have support systems in place - Steve of course, but so many of you have been such an important part of this journey! THANK YOU.

Peace

#poopiebutt (this post is not about what you think)

I'm feeling disconnected from my kindergartner.  I dropped him off yesterday and as Abby and I were getting in the van, we got to watch him travel with the KidStop herd out to the playground.  He figured I was long gone so he didn't see me spying on him as he danced around in the line, probably yelling "poopie butt!" because there were no moms or teachers within earshot to give him a discouraging look.

At choir rehearsal on Wednesday, I had put some skittles that had been dropped off in our communal workroom into a glass.  I had an empty glass for singers to deposit quarters in when they sang during rests or blatantly spoke over me or out of turn, etc.  The skittles were rewards for passages well done or special stuff.  Yes, this is an adult choir.

Anyhow, yesterday I was in my office alone, working intently on my treadmill desk, when the rainbow of fruit flavors started to call to me.  Eat me.  Here I am. Two won't hurt.  I stared at them.  They stared at me.  Pretty soon 2 little skittles were on my desk - a yellow and a green - and then they were eaten.  Uh oh.  2 more.  and 4 more.  and...well, the skittles were soon all gone.

I may have tasted and enjoyed the rainbow at the time, but the resulting migraine from eating all that sugar was not enjoyable one bit.  Seriously, I was in bed at 8pm - before that laying on the couch with my kids waiting on me -  "I'll get her an ice pack, you get her a blanket. Mommy, do you need an extra hug?" Seriously skittles - that was mean.

My point today is just because no one is watching does not mean you should yell "poopie butt" or consume a jar full of skittles.  Integrity is what you do when no one is watching, right?!?

#family

Friends who are family make life sweeter. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jeans

Mad props to my husband. Yesterday he slipped into jeans smaller than he's worn since high school. Whoa. And I brought up from the basement a Rubbermaid tub full of jeans that now fit...well, that now fit again. I need to focus on awesome accomplishments like this when I'm lacking in will power...which seems like it is more often than not lately. 

Peace

 

yelling at the HyVee greeter

So I guess you know you're stressed out when you yell at the HyVee greeter.  Just in case you're wondering, if I am talking on my phone in a frantic manner using more expletives than real words, that means maybe I am NOT interested in a Fuel Saver card.  SERIOUSLY. Don't get huffy with me when I say NO THANK you in a terse fashion and proceed to the tampon aisle.  SERIOUSLY - my child is going to Kindergarten in 5 days and the amount of things on my to-do list just went from 50 to 500.

Oh yes, Elementary school open house was last night.  Here I come, hiking what felt like 10 miles to the only unlocked door, another 5 miles to the Kindergarten room, then back to the main entrance...and we had to do this 4 times.  He's in this class? Yes. Well, no. Actually, he's in this class. Oh he's not on the list? Oh.  His name is spelled GrittAn? Oh.  You're not in the system Angela.  Oh, House Gritton. Oh. His lunch code is freakin' 666something?!?!? what?! Abby, please get out from under my dress while I try to talk to the 22 year old KidStop teacher about where I need to drop him off and where I pay, where I sign up for this account, that account, online, what?? And, PLEASE stop silently judging me mom with too much eyeliner and too tall shoes - my children aren't usually this crazy. Sure, I can fill out those 19 page forms right now, standing up, in 3 1/2 minutes whilst my children destroy that previously super organized, sorted by color pile of...learning stuff. Whatever.

yeah. Okay.  You're saying it, I hear you.  Take a breath, Ang.  This too shall pass.  I just feel like I'm drinking from the fire hydrant when all I really wanted was a nice polite quiet drink of water.

Beside all this drama, I am processing the fact that my baby had his last day of preK in a place where all I had to do was walk 14 steps and I could see his sweet face.  I could do it any day, but I hardly did it at all and now he's in this huge maze of a school where no one knows his name and he'll have to assert for himself "Please call me ANDY, not Andrew." He can do this; he will succeed and do great.  I'll just be here looking out my window wishing I could watch him play, even for just a minute.

SOB.

In the midst of this, I'm currently fighting a small battle with granola.  (i.e., it wants me to eat it after dinner when I'm maybe kinda a little bit hungry but for sure tired and really really want to eat my feelings and I want to eat more feelings than 2 tablespoons in some greek yogurt.)  I have somehow managed to bribe the scale to whisper numbers at me that look better than any number I've seen in 7 years.  Granola - YOU ARE GOING DOWN.  My clothes DO NOT fit (I know, BOO HOO) - but this seriously adds to an already stressful morning when I have to try on 8 things because my brain still thinks "that will NOT fit you!" or "those pants are tight here and loose there." No, everything is loose and weird and all I can wear are dresses...I wore one with a SKULL on it to church today. seriously.

This blog is meant to be about health and wellness and here it is kids:
Health and wellness have to be for days and weeks where we are screaming at poor grocery store greeters.  If we eat and sleep and live without regard for our health, these times will suck even more. But let me tell you - I really could use a good glass (read: bottle) of wine right now.

Cheers.

 

quinoa tabouli, my little ponies and donuts.

Some weekend highlights:

1. Went out for dinner with friends and rocked the ordering.  Thanks to a very kind and patient server who was tipped well, I got exactly what I wanted and it was healthy and oh so delicious.  On my plate were 2 broiled fish tacos with pico de gallo and black beans on corn tortillas with just a sprinkle of cheese.  Then for a side I had quinoa tabouli - WOW.  So amazingly good.  I chose club soda with lime to drink all evening with one little vodka drink (that had more ice than liquid) a bit later on. SUCCESS I say.

2. I attended a My Little Pony 4 year old birthday party, complete with a delicious cake full of pastel frosting and ice cream on the side.  I had to turn down the birthday girl's sweet grandma TWICE, but I did not have any. WOOT.

3.  I attended a super fun workout called a Bike & Brunch.  The caterer brought tons of food - including a huge box full of donuts!?!? Not only did I not eat one, but I sought out the planners and expressed my concern (which of course she supported - she had specifically requested fruit.) Not all that long ago, not only would I have been tempted to eat one or more donuts, but I probably would have let my kids have one too.  Now, I was the one working advocating for healthy options. POSITIVE CHANGE people! Keep on keepin' on.

Hummus Plate

 13

quinoa tabouli, grilled tomato salsa, sunflower seeds and flatbread

http://minneapolis.looprestaurants.com/food-drink-menus/lunch-dinner-menus/appetizers/

create space

Something that I have learned in the last 3 months as I've been on this journey is to be kind and true to myself.  I've learned that I do in fact have time to eat healthy food, to drink gallons a day of water, to get the sleep I need, and to treat myself to a mani /pedi (on a very regular basis [sorry Steve].)

I love myself.  um, no not in a creepy way. ;) But seriously, if I don't take care of this body - of this life - that I've been gifted, who will? I'm not putting that on my husband and kids.  I am not putting that responsibility and honestly, that privilege, on anyone else.

I am blessed to be a blessing.  However, in order to be even half a blessing - seriously, in order to be able to contribute, to give back, to share myself with my family, my friends, this world: I MUST TAKE CARE OF ME.

apple of my eye

This is going to be the most boring-est post you have ever read.
Here goes.

I LOVE apples.  An apple a day? No problem.  And it is August! it isn't even peak apple season! I cannot wait to go to the apple orchard. Who wants to make me apple pie? Oh wait.  maybe not on my seattle sutton plan.  How about applesauce? Oh hell, never mind, I'll just eat them straight up.

Today friends - go eat an apple.  Yummy.

(see, I told you, boring.  But I bet you kinda feel like having an apple, don't you?!?)

#choosehappy

Good morning friends.  Today we get to choose to be happy or not.  I choose to put a smile on my face and to get out there and try. How about you?

I choose:

• Healthy food to fuel my body
• Water water and more water
• Movement whenever possible
• Positive and healthy relationships 
• Faith to ask God to use me as God's hands and feet in the world

Giddy-up kids!
Happy Monday!


 

family time. plus mosquitos.

Andy made a little journal yesterday that he decided was meant to collect "nature stuff."  He asked me if we could go on a nature walk. So after school we hit the trail. 

A few months ago there's no way Steve would've been up for this - but today, he came right from work, threw on the tennis and off we went. 

Yes. 😊 love it. 

 

#imcallingBS

Tobacco industry 1974: "nicotine is not addictive."

Sugar industry NOW: "sugar does not make you fat/ unhealthy/ diabetic. "

Just watched the documentary Sugar Coated for the second time on Netflix. Eye-opening and so worth it. 

Holy crap. Seriously makes me so angry and even more intent upon teaching my kids that sugar is NOT healthy. Fruit snacks that have more sugar than a candy bar!?!? Sigh. NO thank you. 

#wemustchoosewisely

#liarliarpantsonfire

#eyesopened

 

grateful

Today I am grateful for so much and my heart is full. Here's a top 10:

• My supportive husband, who loves me through my crazy
• My hysterical kiddos who keep me on my toes
• A job that I feel called to and that challenges and fulfills me
• Music and the joy of sharing it with others
• Dancing like a crazy fool in public when a song comes on the radio that we do in Leslie's Zumba class (Cheap Thrills by Sia is the latest)
• My treadmill desk and being able to move throughout the day
• Being strong, especially when I feel my sore glutes from ridiculously tough workouts with Troy
• Enough money to pay the mortgage and fill my gas tank, plus a little extra to let A&A each pick out something at the dollar store
• Healthy food to nourish and provide fuel for my body
• A Starbucks venti light roast misto with coconut milk

Here's some homework.
Make YOUR list of 10 things that you are grateful for today.  It will put a smile on your face.

PG13

It's not just the weight loss, it's the body confidence. Plus we have to do something instead of eating together. I realize this is already TMI, but SSHE should add the tag line "you too could be getting it on a little more often."

Gooooooooo team. 😏💏

#DarthPhelps

I love watching the Olympics. It is so motivating to me to watch these incredible athletes. The strength, determination, grace and finesse that are required for each sport are amazing. 

I can't help but thinking about those runners and swimmers that are being lapped though. What is going through their minds as the cameras pan away from them and toward the leader? Is it motivating or defeating? 

Being healthy for me is such a head game. I need to be like Michael Phelps, all headphoned and hoodied, sitting in the corner visualizing myself making good choices throughout the day. 

Seriously maybe I need to try that. 

 

olive it

Today for lunch I had SSHE's Greek style chicken sandwich. Very yummy for sure but I don't really do suace. So the cucumber ranchy yogurty sauce went unused and I was looking for something to add to my sammy. 

Now, I probably don't need to say this, but I'm not one of those farmer's market people. Come on - cupcakes are not usually organically grown and available for purchase.  Not to mention that culinary prowess with unusual vegetables is not on my resume.

 

But I happened to be at Plymouth's farmer's market last week and walked by some olive salsa. Olives, peppers, onions etc all chopped up. Omgoodness YUM. I love...ahem, olive olives. 

So I added them to the wrap tortilla thing, chicken, tomatoes and lettuces and wow. Now that's a yummy lunch I can get behind. 

This blog is brought to you by the letter D

Okay, if you are not a fan of boob talk leave now.  You've been warned.

So some girls live their whole lives looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue saying - I wish I had a chest like that.  I wish I could fill out those cups like that.  I wish I could hold up that strapless dress.  Well girls, let me tell you.  It's no picnic.  My whole life I've looked at those little B cuppers and thought, wow, how nice would that be.  What if I could run without actually injuring myself?!?  What if I could wear one of those shelf bra tanks and the shelf bra was enough support? What if I could skip all the boob spillage and cleavage all over everywhere?!?!

After I had Andy things were just off the hook.  I honestly don't know what letter but let's just say it was further along in the ABC song than regular stores carry.

Then Abby came along and - whoa.  Stop the presses, I didn't think it could get BIGGER.  Well, I knew that Dolly Parton and lots of porn stars existed but STILL.  I rationalized the bigness for myself, saying that when I finished breast feeding they would shrink.  That I really DID like buying bras only at Lane Bryant and that I wasn't sad that I no longer was privy to Victoria's Secret.

Well guess what.  I swear half the 30 plus pounds I've lost in the last 9 weeks eating Seattle Sutton meals has been in the boob region.  Seriously.

NOW HEAR THIS:
This day is brought to you by the letter D and I AM SO HAPPY.
C is not for cookie, it is for my goal cup size.  (sorry Steve)  WOOT! Go me.

March

Today

oops I did it again

Um. Team of supporters please still love me. But I broke down and ate an actual cupcake after my cancelled concert tonight. I blame...

Myself. 

Well anyway it was good. (Yeah Nadia's.) But I'm going to be in the bathroom if you know what I mean which will not be good. 

😫💩🙃

hopeful

One of my good friends who has been religiously reading this blog emailed me today with wise and kind words. She pointed out that it seems like I'm a bit sad sometimes and not as joyful as I could or maybe should be. 

She's right. 

I guess there was some part of me that really hoped that after a month or two on this journey that things would get easier. That I wouldn't want ice cream every day. That I would magically find my way. Or actually, that I would have been further down this road in terms of never falling off the wagon again. I feel like I'm dangling on the edge of the wagon sometime, gripping with all my might to stay on. 

I do feel proud of the work I've done so far and must celebrate the positive.  My very wise trainer fills us with words to live by during cycle class (well, during class but also basically any time he speaks.) "Attack your weaknesses as that's where you'll make the greatest change."

Well damn, I'm attacking mine head on and am making significant, real progress and change. I'm on the way. I guess I expected it to be different - easier, more set in, even after only 9 weeks. 

I am realizing that I must continue to flush my expectations and simply embrace today with everything I've got. I'm a work in progress and, honestly, I always will be. All we can do is love ourselves and forgive ourselves and take a breath when it feels like we can't. Today I lift my chin and smile. 

#grateful

#canIgetanamen

 

the blank stare

How do I explain to someone who has never, ever struggled with weight issues what it is like to walk a mile in my shoes? Because I'm sure she has her own stuff - come on, we all have stuff. Stuff that keeps us in hiding, holds us back, lingers in the corners of our minds: "You can't. You're not enough.  You're too much."

It was still hard to see the blank expression on her face when I said I'd been dealing with weight / food issues my whole life. Was there pity in that stare? Or empathy? Honestly more than either of those it was just a complete lack of experience - she simply could not relate. 

And what did I walk away thinking? 

Dear God. Please let that be how my kids will be. Please let the curse skip their generation and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and...

 

#beyourpotential

It was slow but I did it! 3.2 baby. You know you have good friends when they could run an 8 or 9 minute mile but they wait for you with your 12 min mile and love you up with encouragement. 

☺️

#beyourpotential

#sweaty

#iranandnoonewasevenchasingme

 

I sat in the nachos

Okay I fell down a bit kids. I had cereal as a snack both last night and tonight and we're not talking just a 1/2 cup per sitting. I think about what my transgression may have been a few months ago and the calorie count would be much, much higher. But honestly I haven't been "cheating" and I don't want to make this a habit. So here is my food confession: I ate generic Aldi brand lucky charms 😥😫 and I regret it. 

I feel like I should wear a sign like this pup: 

Sigh. Here's to dusting the nachos off my butt and trying again tomorrow. 

 

check out it

Mom, Check Out It!

Um, Andy...it is Check it out!

Oh. Ok.

Hey Check out it kids - I bought a new pair of jeans on clearance that were 2 sizes smaller than 2 months ago. And they actually fit.  Like no laying on the bed or jumping up and down to try and zip them. Yippee!

that is all.

PJ day

Yesterday on the way home from school Andy told me with much enthusiasm that tomorrow was pajama day.  Okay kiddo.  Sounds good. So this morning, in my half awake daze, I picked out clothes for them both only to hear each child freak out at me: "MOM, it is PAJAMA day today! don't you remember?!" yes, yes I do 3 & 5 year old tiny humans.  Calm your bodies.

Well we got to school this morning and NO ONE was wearing PJs.  No one.  Except my children.  As I look out the window, I see them playing outside - - in Star Wars / kitty pajamas.

Sometimes I feel like I got the wrong memo, just like my kids.  How did I sit with my head in the sand for so many years eating crap - eating sugar like it was water? How did I go from fit and fabulous to chubby and fabulous?

Lately, people are starting to notice that I look different.  My response has been "oh you can tell? really?" I need to change that to "THANK YOU. yes. I'm working hard at it." All I can do is keep going forward and not kick myself (too hard) for my past mistakes.  Sometimes you wear your pjs on the wrong day and you just have to roll with it.

slow but sure

I ran this morning.  That's right, actually running. Outside, not on a treadmill.  Oh sure, I could pat myself on the back and say "Way to mix up your activity, keep your body guessing!"  But honestly, the reason is I signed up for a 5K next Thursday and...well, exercise specificity.  I can't Zumba my way around Maple Grove, I'll actually have to run so I'd better practice. It was slow at best, but I did it and it wasn't too bad.  Doesn't hurt to weigh nearly 30 pounds less than the last time I attempted to run.

Steve and I met our July goals - YIPPEE! Our rewards are deep tissue massages. OMgoodness, Drool.  I can't wait. Neither can my glutes.

go on your way

I wore a swimsuit for 10 hours in public this weekend and felt strong and confident. I felt like, yeah, I'm rockin' this black one piece with polka dots and a ruffly skirt. You go ahead and check me out. No thigh gap here. But also no excessive boobage spilling out into the world. I say WIN. 

We had several off book lunches - one of which involved one plain grilled chicken sandwich that Steve and I had to share. Our sshe meals aren't just healthy, they are filling. Message to announce: now hear this: food is fuel. Use it to run your body, not to respond to your feelings. So my point here is we were hungry eating the non-sshe meals. There was no quinoa at the snack shack at the water park. 

My downfall was ice cream. I enjoyed some super duper yummy real ice cream with my family (um, a couple times, doh) - this was not the best choice. I should have stuck to one time, as a treat. Again, live and learn. 

Then move on. 

Go on your way.

 

Well. Here I come. 

 

vaca

Loving vaca with the fam even though it's either been 95 degrees in the shade or raining cats and dogs. 

In other news, Finding Dory made me cry. The trail of shells... 😥

We had one meal off book for lunch today after a Duck ride. I ate about a pound of spinach. And some pizza. Aaaaaand I've been to the bathroom too many times to count since then. Sigh. This is a good thing for me to experience to help remind me that food like that is an occasional treat to be eaten in small quantities.   🍕😝😵

It has been a fun day. Now let's see if any of us get any sleep tonight. Last night was not so good. The tent next to us was rockin if you know what I mean. I'm serious. Ew. Glad my kids don't understand what those sounds were. 

Here's to sun and fun and family

 

 

 

 

on the wagon

Camping in a tent in 90 degree heat. But with the exception of a little tiny ice cream cone, we are on the wagon. Woot. 

 

one is all it takes

Today I made so many super good food choices but one bad one. I'm trying not to beat myself up but honestly I kinda deserve it. Sigh. I know better -- or do I? 😆😩

This weekend we are going camping - bringing all our meals with us of course - in a tent. Good heavens. Send me positive you-can-do-it thoughts as I hang with these two crazy tiny humans and try to make the best choices I can make. 

 

 

one kilo

Tuesday - deep thoughts with AG:

I love almond milk. So yummy. No chocolate needed in my coffee anymore

I lost a kilogram this week. That would be 2.2 lbs thankya very much. 

I enjoy black beans in a variety of presentations. Who knew?

Advice - surround yourself with amazing people. I am honestly in awe of my friends, family, coworkers, mentors...and this one guy I know named Steve. Yeah he lost 5.1 this week. (Happy dance commences.) so proud of him. 

I am grateful and hopeful. And lucky to have had a turn in the mustang tonight.