what a difference 10 years makes

Ten years ago on my birthday I sat alone on my little IKEA 'As-Is room' couch.   I had a lamp on and a book to read and it was starting to get dark out.  I had my strange little flip cell phone nearby on which I texted by pressing the number 1 four times to get a letter C...My high school bestie called me up to wish me a happy birthday and asked what I was up to...pretty sure I started crying.  What is it Ang?

Well at that time, ALL of my friends were married and starting to have babies.  I had recently relocated across the country and was just starting to settle into my job.  I had bought a condo all by myself and was living in it all by myself and pretty much was...all.   by.   myself.

Now if you know me, you know that after I'm alone for a certain amount of time (say, 19 minutes give or take) I start to twitch.  I can't handle it.  I often can't drive anywhere without calling someone.  I need to have music on everywhere.  I am truly an extrovert, sucking and stealing my energy from any unsuspecting passerby.  So being alone on that Sunday night? Not all that cool with me.

So what did I want? I wanted exactly what I have now, 10 years and so many hills and valleys later: a loving spouse, two amazing children, supportive friends, a house and a dog.  A body that I feel comfortable in and respect.  A hope for all that is to come.

I have not arrived - I am continuing to BECOME all that I was made to be.  And I'm working on that being okay with being alone once in awhile thing...

Here's to being a work in progress and the next 10 years...

#progress

We had our second video shoot last Friday.  It was nice to know what to expect: cameras & lights, sound guy & vampire clips, food all over my table all day, makeup on Steve, and lots of questions to ponder.

This time around things were so much easier because we knew what was coming - isn't that always the case?  The food on the table was all Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating food - all meals that I knew and recognized and honestly, many that I love.  Clearly I have some strange, inappropriate relationship with food to feel actual feelings about what I consume.  I have come to recognize the food as contributing to my well-being - it fuels me and keeps me running day and night.  I feel like a hunter paying respect to her prey by thanking the animal for its life and vitality.  I thank you, black beans, for filling me up.  I thank you, garden veggie patty, for being delicious and nutritious. I thank you, yummy pear, that you are sweet yet not addictive like candy.

This shoot really was an eye-opener for Steve and I to SEE the progress we have made.  (stay tuned for better pics than this - but check it out, seriously.)  It has re-energized us in many ways to saddle up and head into the back half of this journey with guns blazing.  Even so, I'm off to a bit of a slow start this week.  As I sip my coffee, I know the hard, cold truth is that this journey is hardly yet begun.  All this healthy eating is not just for 3 more months, it is for the rest of my life.  I know how hard it has been and will continue to be.  Every day that I conquer is one more in the books toward making health a habit, a ritual, a way of life.  That is what it HAS to be in order to keep this up.  Otherwise, I still can see the chute to take me back to the ground floor.  I'm climbing one rung at a time...you too? Sweet. Here - take my hand...Let's help each other up.

true story

This. 

 

#WonderWoman

The hardest part of anything new is the follow through.  I'm good for a week, two weeks, heck, even three MONTHS.  But then the rubber hits the road.  Then you actually have to WORK, you have to push, and pull and get comfortable with getting uncomfortable. (oh yeah, I stole that phrase from Troy.)

I'm at that point where I have thrown down all my excuses and can only look in the mirror.  I am not a princess in need of rescuing - I am my own damn Wonder Woman.  What is it that I want? What am I working toward? What is really important to me and what can we just simply flush? Selective and intentional abandonment: let's clean house here (literally let's clean House here.)  Wrap that lasso of truth around me and let's figure it out.

Tomorrow marks our halfway point on this journey and a film crew will again enter our home for interviews filled with deep questions that I don't want to think about until the last possible second.  I want my intuition to answer.  "What have I learned so far?"  "Where do I hope to be?"

Most of the time my answers aren't beautiful or poetic.
I'm just keeping my chin up, moving forward one day at a time, and taking it all in.
That's pretty Wonderful if you ask me.

#IcanIwillIAM

Below is an excerpt from an email I received today from my trainer, friend, & overall kick-ass person Troy Eichers. This is regarding a 60 day challenge contest that I am currently in.

I would like to share with you a few things that previous successful contestants found within their journey that lead to success.

1.  They replaced poor decisions with good decisions.

2.  Water was consumed frequently from morning to night.

3.  All food and exercise/activity was tracked and logged daily to view tendencies and areas that could be improved.

4.  They choose activities that were of interest and fit their personalities.

5.  When setbacks took place, they kept going forward and acknowledged what was not working.

6.  Fitness Professionals were leaned upon for education, programming, assessment, inspiration and accountability.

7.  They had support systems in place....work, home, in club and friends too!

I am replacing the 'they' with me.

1. I am replacing poor decisions with good ones. 

2. I am drinking tons of water from morning to night.

3. I am logging all food and activity in MyFitnessPal - just got a congrats message from them on logging in everyday for - wait for it - 800 DAYS. seriously.

4. I choose activities that interest me and my sparkly personality: aka tough strength training AND fun dancing. 

5. When setbacks take place (cupcakes, granola, chocolate & coconut covered almonds) I keep going forward yet acknowledge that I shall henceforth never allow them to jump into my cart at Trader Joe's. 

6. I lean on my experts: Seattle Sutton Healthy eating for my meal planning, Troy my personal trainer for education, programming, inspiration, accountability and more, Brandi for tough love on my food logs.

7. I have support systems in place - Steve of course, but so many of you have been such an important part of this journey! THANK YOU.

Peace

#poopiebutt (this post is not about what you think)

I'm feeling disconnected from my kindergartner.  I dropped him off yesterday and as Abby and I were getting in the van, we got to watch him travel with the KidStop herd out to the playground.  He figured I was long gone so he didn't see me spying on him as he danced around in the line, probably yelling "poopie butt!" because there were no moms or teachers within earshot to give him a discouraging look.

At choir rehearsal on Wednesday, I had put some skittles that had been dropped off in our communal workroom into a glass.  I had an empty glass for singers to deposit quarters in when they sang during rests or blatantly spoke over me or out of turn, etc.  The skittles were rewards for passages well done or special stuff.  Yes, this is an adult choir.

Anyhow, yesterday I was in my office alone, working intently on my treadmill desk, when the rainbow of fruit flavors started to call to me.  Eat me.  Here I am. Two won't hurt.  I stared at them.  They stared at me.  Pretty soon 2 little skittles were on my desk - a yellow and a green - and then they were eaten.  Uh oh.  2 more.  and 4 more.  and...well, the skittles were soon all gone.

I may have tasted and enjoyed the rainbow at the time, but the resulting migraine from eating all that sugar was not enjoyable one bit.  Seriously, I was in bed at 8pm - before that laying on the couch with my kids waiting on me -  "I'll get her an ice pack, you get her a blanket. Mommy, do you need an extra hug?" Seriously skittles - that was mean.

My point today is just because no one is watching does not mean you should yell "poopie butt" or consume a jar full of skittles.  Integrity is what you do when no one is watching, right?!?

#family

Friends who are family make life sweeter. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jeans

Mad props to my husband. Yesterday he slipped into jeans smaller than he's worn since high school. Whoa. And I brought up from the basement a Rubbermaid tub full of jeans that now fit...well, that now fit again. I need to focus on awesome accomplishments like this when I'm lacking in will power...which seems like it is more often than not lately. 

Peace

 

yelling at the HyVee greeter

So I guess you know you're stressed out when you yell at the HyVee greeter.  Just in case you're wondering, if I am talking on my phone in a frantic manner using more expletives than real words, that means maybe I am NOT interested in a Fuel Saver card.  SERIOUSLY. Don't get huffy with me when I say NO THANK you in a terse fashion and proceed to the tampon aisle.  SERIOUSLY - my child is going to Kindergarten in 5 days and the amount of things on my to-do list just went from 50 to 500.

Oh yes, Elementary school open house was last night.  Here I come, hiking what felt like 10 miles to the only unlocked door, another 5 miles to the Kindergarten room, then back to the main entrance...and we had to do this 4 times.  He's in this class? Yes. Well, no. Actually, he's in this class. Oh he's not on the list? Oh.  His name is spelled GrittAn? Oh.  You're not in the system Angela.  Oh, House Gritton. Oh. His lunch code is freakin' 666something?!?!? what?! Abby, please get out from under my dress while I try to talk to the 22 year old KidStop teacher about where I need to drop him off and where I pay, where I sign up for this account, that account, online, what?? And, PLEASE stop silently judging me mom with too much eyeliner and too tall shoes - my children aren't usually this crazy. Sure, I can fill out those 19 page forms right now, standing up, in 3 1/2 minutes whilst my children destroy that previously super organized, sorted by color pile of...learning stuff. Whatever.

yeah. Okay.  You're saying it, I hear you.  Take a breath, Ang.  This too shall pass.  I just feel like I'm drinking from the fire hydrant when all I really wanted was a nice polite quiet drink of water.

Beside all this drama, I am processing the fact that my baby had his last day of preK in a place where all I had to do was walk 14 steps and I could see his sweet face.  I could do it any day, but I hardly did it at all and now he's in this huge maze of a school where no one knows his name and he'll have to assert for himself "Please call me ANDY, not Andrew." He can do this; he will succeed and do great.  I'll just be here looking out my window wishing I could watch him play, even for just a minute.

SOB.

In the midst of this, I'm currently fighting a small battle with granola.  (i.e., it wants me to eat it after dinner when I'm maybe kinda a little bit hungry but for sure tired and really really want to eat my feelings and I want to eat more feelings than 2 tablespoons in some greek yogurt.)  I have somehow managed to bribe the scale to whisper numbers at me that look better than any number I've seen in 7 years.  Granola - YOU ARE GOING DOWN.  My clothes DO NOT fit (I know, BOO HOO) - but this seriously adds to an already stressful morning when I have to try on 8 things because my brain still thinks "that will NOT fit you!" or "those pants are tight here and loose there." No, everything is loose and weird and all I can wear are dresses...I wore one with a SKULL on it to church today. seriously.

This blog is meant to be about health and wellness and here it is kids:
Health and wellness have to be for days and weeks where we are screaming at poor grocery store greeters.  If we eat and sleep and live without regard for our health, these times will suck even more. But let me tell you - I really could use a good glass (read: bottle) of wine right now.

Cheers.